Often times when
other people hear about homeschool they immediately pose the question about
socialization saying, "What about the child's socialization?" or
"How is she going to have friends?" etc. Other people simply assumed
that homeschooled kids will have a problem socializing with others. But I dare
say otherwise. In fact, homeschooling can actually be crucial especially in the
earlier years of social development of a child.
In the course of
nature, babies are born with nothing else in their minds but themselves. It is
all about "I, me and myself". They will cry, eat, sleep, etc without
any regard to others but themselves. Eventually they will recognize other people
who they consider their primary caregiver like their parents. At age 1, babies
begin to be aware that their action affects other people. They know that when
they cry, mommy comes. At this stage, narcissism is at its peak. Along with
this comes the discovery of new emotions such as jealousy, frustration,
self-confidence, anxiety and pride. They may be clingy in the morning and
independent in the afternoon. At about age 2, they will again exhibit this
"I, me and myself" phase in relation to the things around them. Thus,
at this age they may often be heard saying, "mine!". At the same
time, they are now taking note of other people's feelings. Toddlers may cry,
giggle, shout, laugh just because another kid is doing it. Feeling what others
are feeling gives them opportunity to practice empathy. This eventually makes
them understand what sharing is about. At age 3, children are starting to form
relationships. Through these relationships, they learn how other people act and
think. They discover that other people are different from themselves. This is
the time when they develop self-esteem and self-awareness.
Some children at this age are now put to school. Children who have not
developed their sense of identity apart from their parent often manifest
separation anxiety. Other children who have a sense of self see the school
activity as their "own" activity. Unfortunately, at this crucial
stage of building self-awareness, conventional schools are more concerned about
conformity rather than developing identity. Does the child sit when everyone is
told to sit? Does he cooperate during
class activities? Does he pay attention during class discussion?
In my opinion, this
is why homeschool set-up is crucial in this developmental stage in their lives.
It's true that in homeschool they are not expose to a class full of kids. Its
true that they don’t have a fixed schedule of doing certain things at a certain
time. Its true that most of the school activity is considered play. But these
are the things that are essential in developing their sense of self. In
homeschool, children are free to be who they want to be. They are free to
discover their abilities in their own time. They are free to express their
creativity in their own way.
You might wonder,
what does it have to do with socialization? Isn't socialization about
interacting with other people? Yes, precisely. But what one may not be aware of
is that the key to effective socialization is self-awareness. Just like in the
earlier years of life, one must first identify himself before identifying
others. A child will not learn how to share until he understands how to own.
You cannot teach a child empathy unless he understands his own emotions. A child must first learn who he is to himself
before we expect him to know who he is to others.
Our sense of self
forms our identity, our self-concept. It helps us understand our emotions, our
motivations, our fears, our frustrations and everything that we translate to
others.
The homeschool
environment gives the opportunity to develop the sense of identity before
developing the sense of social conformity. In homeschool, it's ok if a child
colors the trees purple or the grass yellow, if this is how he shows his
creativity. It's ok to learn ABC's in a fireman suit, because role playing
helps define a character in the society. It's okay to learn numbers while
jumping up and down, if this is an outlet of his energy. The uniqueness of the
child is respected and recognized unlike in conventional schools when the child
is expected to conform to what is considered normal in class. These activities
promote self-discovery. It helps the child learn about his interests, his
strengths and weaknesses, his abilities, all of which helps to be aware of
one's self.
What does it mean
then, to be self-aware and how does this affect how a child socialize? A child
whose individuality is acknowledged and respected is more likely to respect
other's individuality as well. A child who can understand his own emotions is
more likely to be empathetic to others. A child who has a strong sense of
identity is less likely to need validation from peers therefore, is less likely
to succumb to peer pressure. A child who is able to form a quality relationship
with his parents is more likely to distinguish a quality relationship with his
peers.
I firmly believe
that homeschooling does not prevent a child from socializing. Instead, it lays
the foundation for one's social development by
fostering self-awareness.
"Socialization…
is not about the quantity but the quality.."
