Homeschool, Self-awareness and Socialization

Often times when other people hear about homeschool they immediately pose the question about socialization saying, "What about the child's socialization?" or "How is she going to have friends?" etc. Other people simply assumed that homeschooled kids will have a problem socializing with others. But I dare say otherwise. In fact, homeschooling can actually be crucial especially in the earlier years of social development of a child.

In the course of nature, babies are born with nothing else in their minds but themselves. It is all about "I, me and myself". They will cry, eat, sleep, etc without any regard to others but themselves. Eventually they will recognize other people who they consider their primary caregiver like their parents. At age 1, babies begin to be aware that their action affects other people. They know that when they cry, mommy comes. At this stage, narcissism is at its peak. Along with this comes the discovery of new emotions such as jealousy, frustration, self-confidence, anxiety and pride. They may be clingy in the morning and independent in the afternoon. At about age 2, they will again exhibit this "I, me and myself" phase in relation to the things around them. Thus, at this age they may often be heard saying, "mine!". At the same time, they are now taking note of other people's feelings. Toddlers may cry, giggle, shout, laugh just because another kid is doing it. Feeling what others are feeling gives them opportunity to practice empathy. This eventually makes them understand what sharing is about. At age 3, children are starting to form relationships. Through these relationships, they learn how other people act and think. They discover that other people are different from themselves. This is the time when they develop self-esteem and self-awareness.

Some children at this age are now put to school. Children who have not developed their sense of identity apart from their parent often manifest separation anxiety. Other children who have a sense of self see the school activity as their "own" activity. Unfortunately, at this crucial stage of building self-awareness, conventional schools are more concerned about conformity rather than developing identity. Does the child sit when everyone is told to sit?  Does he cooperate during class activities? Does he pay attention during class discussion?

In my opinion, this is why homeschool set-up is crucial in this developmental stage in their lives. It's true that in homeschool they are not expose to a class full of kids. Its true that they don’t have a fixed schedule of doing certain things at a certain time. Its true that most of the school activity is considered play. But these are the things that are essential in developing their sense of self. In homeschool, children are free to be who they want to be. They are free to discover their abilities in their own time. They are free to express their creativity in their own way.

You might wonder, what does it have to do with socialization? Isn't socialization about interacting with other people? Yes, precisely. But what one may not be aware of is that the key to effective socialization is self-awareness. Just like in the earlier years of life, one must first identify himself before identifying others. A child will not learn how to share until he understands how to own. You cannot teach a child empathy unless he understands his own emotions.  A child must first learn who he is to himself before we expect him to know who he is to others.

Our sense of self forms our identity, our self-concept. It helps us understand our emotions, our motivations, our fears, our frustrations and everything that we translate to others.

The homeschool environment gives the opportunity to develop the sense of identity before developing the sense of social conformity. In homeschool, it's ok if a child colors the trees purple or the grass yellow, if this is how he shows his creativity. It's ok to learn ABC's in a fireman suit, because role playing helps define a character in the society. It's okay to learn numbers while jumping up and down, if this is an outlet of his energy. The uniqueness of the child is respected and recognized unlike in conventional schools when the child is expected to conform to what is considered normal in class. These activities promote self-discovery. It helps the child learn about his interests, his strengths and weaknesses, his abilities, all of which helps to be aware of one's self.

What does it mean then, to be self-aware and how does this affect how a child socialize? A child whose individuality is acknowledged and respected is more likely to respect other's individuality as well. A child who can understand his own emotions is more likely to be empathetic to others. A child who has a strong sense of identity is less likely to need validation from peers therefore, is less likely to succumb to peer pressure. A child who is able to form a quality relationship with his parents is more likely to distinguish a quality relationship with his peers.

I firmly believe that homeschooling does not prevent a child from socializing. Instead, it lays the foundation for one's social development by  fostering self-awareness.

 "Socialization… is not about the quantity but the quality.."